okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
