You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
