So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize