Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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