We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
