After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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