it hurts more in the daytime
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
