They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
