i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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