she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
