I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
