did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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