And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
