Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
