Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
