Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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