allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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