well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize