his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
