You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
