Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
