You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
