you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
