ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
