I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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