i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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