ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize