I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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