So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
