Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
