Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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