I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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