When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
