im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
as a side note pls kill me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
