well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
