No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
