I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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