I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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