HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
