I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
