is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
