Banned from zoo.
Again?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize