I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
