I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
