I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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