he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
