You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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