The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i came on her dog
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
