I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
