The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
