her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
