Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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