Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
