At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize