they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
that's an acceptable place to lick
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
