So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
