Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
