we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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