No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
