Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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