The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
