There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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