Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
