And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize