Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
