My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
