Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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