We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize