Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
