Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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