True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
