I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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