Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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