okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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