make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
