I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize