I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
