We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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