I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
