Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
