The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
