bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
