Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
