Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize