WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
