I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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