i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
