He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
