you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize