biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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