So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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