he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
