i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
