All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
