How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
