I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
