Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
