We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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