All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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