Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
