Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
3pm strippers are depressing
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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