Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
