Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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