Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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