Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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